Venting - negative post.

I wrote about the high expenses incurred by the daily traveling, especially on cab fares in the morning from home to camp because it is very tiring to be waking up superb early to catch the first train. I wrote about reverting back to staying in but haha nah I didn't do anything about it. My expenses is so sky high that it is eating into my savings. Always thought that I can cover it back with next month's "savings", which turns out to most of the time to be none and then it becomes another month of overspending.

My panic button is now activated when my first digit of my savings dropped from 3 to a 2. I have been having the first digit as 3 for almost 2 years now since my late mother's passing. This is not healthy. Another reason must be my generosity and kindness - treating the men who worked under me food and drinks now and then. Through it is not encouraged, occasional loan to the guys who have geniune problems. Thus all this factors contributed to me overspending.

So I am relooking at my spending habit. I loosen a lot since my mother's passing, perhaps it is time to tighten my purse. I would be cutting costs by staying in alternative days, try to wake up early to take train/bus, or just coming out for night off. Oh please dun tell me to stay inside all the way, the stress level at work is ultra high - I need a break outside occassionally.

Work. There is a change in the position at the top in the office. 5 years my junior and only got like 8 months to serve, unlike in the past, hold by a regular. So the leadership position is now more towards my lady boss. But then her directions?? I dunno what to say. The higher pp want A, she ask me to do B, I know that I have to do A via other sources after knocking off, and now she wants to present B to my big boss tml first thing in the morning and I only know about this 3 hours ago. Sure kana f***. Unless I perform magic tml morning.

I stayed back the whole of tue night just to rush out B and now to know that it is wrong. I only know she going to present tml when I just reached home tonight. I gave up going back tonight. I am sianz already. This is not the first time I am doing wrong stuff and extra stuff becoz of her directions, and I am sure that this is not going to be the last time.

When am I finally going to lose my patience? I dunno man. I am being tasked with many other stuffs. Maybe it is my leadership and working style, I like to do things on my own, instead of shooting every arrows that I received out, because i demand high standard in my work, I dun want my men to mess things up, but because of this, it seems to me that my work is never going to end any time soon.

And the men. have to deal with their mc/leave/off/attitude problems/sleep in bunk. Becoz A take, B also want, all sorta of methods also use. Die die just dun want to come camp. Then those in camp, some you must like invite god like that then they will appear from somewhere. Sometimes is not that I take everything myself, I have nowhere to shoot the arrow to.

The struggle to complete a short run during the SGRunners Anniversary and even an worst struggle, playing through a soccer game for my unit without sub at all. It was a wakeup and reality call. Let's face it. I lost my shape, stamina, discipline to train, desire. I wonder if I should call myself a runner - or just some fat guys just struggling to deal with weight problems. The timing for next few runs is also dismal and disgrace- I have even clocked a 10mins/km pace one of the day. I think I should just hang my running shoes for good and stopped associating myself with SGRunners or SP Track and Field.

I have already warned that this is going to be negative. Just letting go of my frustrations.

I think I should be fine soon. I hope so.