5 years of service

I do not know how to put the feeling into words when I received the medal from chief armour yesterday. It is complicated.

The first feeling is that time really flies fast - it is just like yesterday when I first started in army and having a lot of difficulties coping with training and family problems at the same time.

The second feeling is that how did I manage to make it till so far? There are moments that I know I was surfaced for termination.

The third feeling is that of the sadness that I have underachieved seriously in my career, those years without proper vocation and promotion due to my injuries and problems early in my career, have come back to haunt me yesterday during the presentation, my rank and my length of service just doesn't match - too low a rank to be getting this award and thus I know there is discussion in the audience when I am being presented.

The fourth feeling is that I dunno if i should stay for good to carry on getting more medals. Going to be 25 and yet dunno what exactly I want to achieve in my life, I just thought that it is sad.